The Object of Life

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. -- Book IV, Chapter 29 of Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations."
A 40-year-old family member I’ve been estranged from for five years recently wrote me a five-page letter expressing their anger with me. Between correcting my flawed thinking and accusing me of being sociopathic, I was made to understand that I needed to take my share – the bulk – of responsibility for our current situation of estrangement.

Out of the blue, about a week prior to receiving that delightful letter, a younger family member, who I had also not seen in a few years, asked to see me. Less than 10 minutes after arriving at our meeting, he brought up the subject of the estrangement and questioned the reasons for it. I should have known better. I think I did know better. But, I foolishly chose to answer transparently. Soon after the meeting, that young person gave the estranged family member a full report of his conversation with me.

I believe the young person was more than likely set up, because he came equipped with detailed and specific questions to ask. He was possibly manipulated, and I was summarily tried and found guilty for my response. I still haven’t had a conversation with the person from whom I am estranged. I responded by letter, apologizing for my failures. I have made some ignorant mistakes in my life. No arguments there.

The person I am estranged from has never, to my knowledge, been officially diagnosed with any personality disorders. But this person has exhibited many of the classic antisocial symptoms for a very long time.

According to the Mayo Clinic,

“Antisocial personality disorder, sometimes called sociopathy, is a mental health condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others. People with antisocial personality disorder tend to purposely make others angry or upset and manipulate or treat others harshly or with cruel indifference. They lack remorse or do not regret their behavior.”

“People with antisocial personality disorder often violate the law, becoming criminals. They may lie, behave violently or impulsively, and have problems with drug and alcohol use. They have difficulty consistently meeting responsibilities related to family, work or school.”

According to the Cleveland Clinic, Symptoms of antisocial personality disorder may include: 
  • Physical aggression, hostility or violence toward others. 
  • Reckless or impulsive behavior. 
  • Breaking the law or disregarding rules and social norms. 
  • Feeling angry, more powerful or better than others. 
  • Using wit, flattery and charm to manipulate, lie or deceive others for personal gain or enjoyment.
  • Not taking responsibility for actions or behaviors. 
  • Not showing remorse, regret or concern for behaviors. 
Anyway, I’m no doctor and cannot realistically make any kind of diagnosis. Since the relative is most assuredly an adult, there is nothing I can do. However, if I am even slightly on the mark with this, I think it bears watching.

From the Mayo Clinic:

“Antisocial personality disorder is considered a lifelong condition. But in some people, certain symptoms ― particularly destructive and criminal behavior ― may decrease over time. It's not clear whether this decrease is a result of the effect aging has on their mind and body, an increased awareness of the impact that antisocial behavior has had on their life, or other factors.”

From the Cleveland Clinic:

“Antisocial personality disorder is a lifelong condition. Symptoms are usually most severe around age 20 and sometimes improve by age 40.”

I hope they are right.

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