On Being Up to the Task

When I was in the workforce, I would hear coworkers complain regularly about how certain people seemed to be getting an unfair advantage in the workplace. Complaints could be anything from "so-in-so gets better hours, better wages, better assignments, better promotions, better treatment, etc., at work than I do.” The “I,” in that rant, of course, would be the person doing the complaining. Other coworkers would quickly take the opportunity to jump on the bandwagon to bemoan how they too were receiving unfair treatment in these and other areas.

I wasn’t especially interested in joining any bitch brigade, so I would purposefully ignore the complainers and direct my full attention to doing my job in the best way I knew how. I adopted the attitude of "How others were being rewarded for their efforts was really nothing to me." All that mattered to me was that I was performing my assignments as professionally as possible and collecting the previously agreed upon wages.

When I slipped from that lofty ideal, I found that comparing other people’s situations to my own would inevitably lead to increased job dissatisfaction. Conversely, focusing my attention exclusively on my own performance would lead to greater job contentment.

I realized that most of my coworkers were dissatisfied with their relative position in the organization, at least when compared to others. Yet, if these envious complainers had tried to imagine what it would be like to be suddenly unemployed, they might have understood their current situation in a very different light.

Life doesn’t make us any promises. Life is composed of short moments in time. Our attitudes are what determines the relative satisfaction we feel with any and all of those moments. The more moments of contentment, the happier the life.

I’ve come to the conclusion that neither wealth, sex, travel, food, drink, nor any other experience defines the word happiness. For me, happiness is better equated with a deep satisfaction and contentment with life, one moment at a time. Happiness, regardless of momentary circumstances, is an attitude. It’s a choice.

A choice? Am I wearing rose colored glasses? No. Not denial and not delusion. Instead, an attitude readjustment.

When my dad was struggling in his 80s, he advised me to never grow old. I asked him “But what’s the alternative?” After a short pause, he admitted I had a point.

When I focus on the things I can’t control, whether it be coworkers who appear to have better situations than mine or the inevitable encroachment of old age, I’m on a sure path to disappointment. I will be wasting the limited moments of my life on being unhappy, and ironically that unhappiness will be of my own choosing. It’s counterproductive to torture myself over things I cannot control. And what I can’t totally control is almost everything. I can’t control time. I can’t totally control my health. I can’t control the opinions of other human beings. The list of what I can’t control is endless. The only thing I can even hope to successfully control is my attitude. Instead of kicking against and complaining about whatever life dishes out, I’d be better off embracing life’s challenges and frustrations as opportunities to become a better person. In other words, with a positive attitude I can make every moment count. I can make every moment valuable. I can make my moments happy.

What seems simple on the surface, is not so easy in practice. I know I wasn’t always effectively chipper and upbeat at work. I certainly haven’t celebrated each passing decade of my life with cheerful applause. Most strikingly, rarely, if ever, have I successfully applied some of this obvious wisdom about control to my family relationships.

I wish that some aha moments and lightbulb moments had come more often or at least sooner in my life... Imagine, finally suddenly realizing I have no control over any family members either. Aha! 

I wish that some aha moments and lightbulb moments had come more often or at least sooner in my life, but better late than never, I guess.

Although I’ve played many roles in my life, my latest role (retired senior citizen) has released me from most of my previous responsibilities. I am not an employee. I am not a boss. I am no longer parenting minor children.

And with that release of responsibility is a disturbing realization of powerlessness. Though I never really controlled any of that stuff anyway, it’s more real now. I never had any control over my coworkers. I only had a small measure of influence as a supervisor, but never control, and the influence I held was always and only effective with the employees’ consent. I had the illusion of a measure of control over my minor children, but now that they are grown adults with families of their own, even that illusion is gone..

Everything outside my control is also outside my direct responsibility. Meditating on this simple idea is bringing me a sense of mental relief and freedom.

Since the only thing I can control is my attitude, controlling my attitude is my (and mine alone)  responsibility. My improved attitude can enhance my character development and ultimately increase my happiness.

It’s a lot of responsibility. I hope I’m up to the task.

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