A Boxer at Rest

From a blog I was running in 2002:  Last week was "tech week" for Tony & Tina's Wedding. After long days at work, my whole clan was off to the Andrus Center until past midnight every day. The show finally came together for opening night Friday, and things have been going very well. The crowds are really liking what they see. Wednesday Mom called to tell me that my old Scoutmaster, Reggie Kirk, has passed away. He was 73 and he died in his sleep. His son called my parents trying to get hold of me. Reggie had a last request that included me. When I was 12 years old I was in the Boy Scouts. One of the unique talents that I offered the troop was my ability to play a brass instrument, so I became the bugler. Once a year all the Boy Scout troops would converge on Camp Stigwandish for a week long camping experience and every night I would play taps on my bugle for the whole camp. I never really thought much about it, but it apparently had a big impact on Reggie and his sons....

Nothing new is likely to ever be discovered here. The meaning of life is one of those oft-repeated philosophical inquiries made by certain thoughtful individuals in those societies where at least some of the citizenry have reasonable security, adequate shelter and sufficient food. Once the basic needs are met, some people start to wonder why they exist. I have spent some time pondering that question. However, like most others, the bulk of my life was filled with distractions by such mundane activities such as ensuring my value to society was established and maintained via self education, honing my few talents and exhaustively hard work. Obligations to family and employers consumed most of my youth and then my middle age. Now that my children are well grown and my working days have apparently ended, I have the privilege of a bit of leisure to examine my life. My annual medical exam has been interesting since my retirement. The doctor questions me about thoughts of suicide, alcohol ...

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” — 1933 Inauguration Speech of the 32nd president of the United States, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Four years after the stock market crash of 1929, in the United States and countries rich and poor were struggling under devastating economic privations. Personal income, tax revenue, profits, and prices dropped, while international trade plunged by more than 50%. Unemployment in the U.S. rose to 25% and in some countries as high as 33%. Then, less than two weeks following Roosevelt’s Inauguration, Nazi leader Adolf Hitler was appointed Chancellor of Germany. By March 15, Hitler had proclaimed the Third Reich. The Third Reich was heinous. It was something to fight against. Something to work toward destroying.  The atrocities committed by the Nazi Party were intolerable and after six years filled with tremendous sacrifices it was defeated.  The Nazis ruled by fear.  Resorting to fear to gain and maintain power is not especially or...

It is not people’s actions that disturb our peace of mind, but our opinions of their actions. We suffer more from getting angry and upset about such things than we do from the things themselves that are making us angry and upset. When you are too angry or impatient, remember that human life is fleeting and before long all of us will have been laid to rest. — Excerpted from Meditations 11:18. Righteous indignation seems to be the general timbre of the current American social landscape. Many people wholeheartedly believe that privileged groups are intent on disabusing and marginalizing everyone else. Meanwhile, many others are sure that nefarious political agendas are leading to the destruction of historic democratic values. Depending on the person's perspective, elected officials, the financially secure, white-skinned people, welfare recipients and illegal aliens are just a few of the supposedly deserving targets of so-called "justifiable" outrage. I was recently t...

During the U.S. government handling of the 2020-2021 Covid19 social distancing experiment, I discovered how emotionally unaffected I am by wholescale cancellations of social events, widespread travel restrictions, various venue closers and all the rest of the people-separating mandates. In fact, my natural response to the changes confirmed that I am not only introverted; I am also very comfortable in social isolation. What upsets people is not things themselves, but their judgements about these things. — Epictetus At no time during the year-long-plus affair was I lonely or bored. I am aware that other people were measurably frustrated and or in some degree of turmoil during the lockdown, but I was emotionally unaffected. In fact, I experienced almost no change to my normal day-to-day life. Many experts claim that living in isolation presents very real health risks. Perhaps for some, but interestingly I am unaware of any deleterious side effects from either forced or chosen is...

When does contemplation become overthinking?  I've been accused of overthinking things for as long as I can remember. Admittedly, this tendency of mine to perhaps hyper-analyze hasn’t won me many friends, but it has helped me successfully navigate some difficult human interactions. I have a habit of trying to pay close attention to a person’s body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, word choices, etc. I call this practice “really listening.” I believe that the bulk of human communication is unspoken, and most people will unconsciously reveal much more of what they are thinking in non-verbals than with the spoken word. Interpreting the nonverbal clues, however, requires some intuitive analysis that is sometimes inaccurate. Not everyone is transparent.  Of course, for those who tend to take everyone at their word, or at strictly face value, what I just described is overthinking things. People just aren’t that complicated, I have been told.  I am a person. I am comp...

I sometimes describe myself as relationally crippled. When it comes to enjoying social relationships with my fellow creatures, I see myself as pretty much a failure. I usually choose watching others over closely engaging with them.   Since many people tend to overreact after hearing opinions that challenge theirs, I try to sidestep topics that tempt me to play devil's advocate. I yearn for sincere conversations but loath interactions that might devolve into regretful deprecations. I have even less interest in casual chit-chat.  Introverts crave meaning so party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche. ~ Diane Cameron It seems that most of the world is trying to avoid solitude by stimulating every waking moment with noise, crowds and activity. I spend most days alone, but I never feel lonely. I quite like being alone. I enjoy solitude. While in a rare social mood I openly shared some of my introspections. The person I was attempting to engage quickly let me know t...

It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested...  ― Seneca, On the Shortness of Life I retired a couple years ago and people are still asking me what I do with all my time. Responding I am working on personal improvement seems to assuage most curiosity. What I am tempted to tell them is I spend my time the same as everyone: living life.  Until recently, my mindset resembled that of my inquisitors. I believed that a person who spends the day playing video games or watching television is wasting time. Further, I believed that if a person isn’t actively pursuing a goal such as career advancement, acquiring a degree, travelling the world, etc., then they are also just wasting time. In fact, spending time doing anything not measurably productive could be labeled a waste of time. Someone I know, when she is off work for ...

It  is invariably a shock to Evangelical Christians to come across someone who has turned his or her back on the “faith was once delivered unto the saints.” Most believers will quickly dismiss an ex-Christian by piously pointing out that anyone who turns away from Christ was never a real believer. Or, as an insider might say it, “They were never born again.” There is Biblical support for the assertion. 1 John 2:19, which addressed the problem of First Century apostates, states that: “They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.” (KJV) (I’d like to point out here that the previous verse, verse 18, suggests that the writer also believed it was the end of history and that the Antichrist was about to appear. It seems that whoever penned 1 John was premature in announcing it to be the “last time.” He may have been mistaken in his qu...

Suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please — Chorus from the theme song for the movie and TV series M*A*S*H Contemplating taking one’s own life appears somewhat common, at least in my experience. I had an uncle and a coworker who went beyond the contemplation phase, both hanging themselves. I also had three associates who ended their days with self-inflicted gunshots.  I think, however, that the occasional  contemplation of suicide is widespread and not merely confined to those few who actually carry it out.  The Stoics believed that depending on the situation, choosing the time and place of one’s death was ethically acceptable, and in some cases, prudent. Always remember – the door is open.  – Epictetus (Discourses I.25.18) The Stoics dealt with this subject in depth, yet they remained primarily focused on living with resilience and tranquility. Life should never be thoughtlessly thrown away during difficult circumstances, b...

"Hey Tom, do you hear that?” The music of sleigh bells was unmistakable. “Come on Tom, come over here.” Tom jumped up on my bed and the two of us scanned the scene outside our window desperately trying to focus on what was making that marvelous sound. It was Christmas Eve and those rhythmic bells could be credited to nothing else but Saint Nick’s mythical reindeer. My brother was still a believer and though I was enlightened, I was not about to blow his Christmas. When I was in Kindergarten, one of the kids told me there was no such thing as Santa Claus. He claimed it was only your Dad and Mom who bought you presents and then hid them until you went to sleep on Christmas Eve. With a superior air, I tried to explain to my sneering peer that the night before Christmas my mom always set out cookies and milk for Santa, and in the morning, the plate was always clean except for some telltale crumbs and the glass was always empty. In my mind, this alone was irrefutable proof Santa had r...